Born from Imperfection

We all have our own journey and it is what shapes us into who we are.

When I was born I was 7 weeks early and weighed 5 lbs. 1 ounce. My parents were not allowed to touch me, feed me or change me for a month because I was in an incubator. I always assumed that they sat next to me and talked to me like all parents do. I recently found out that my Mom & Dad could only see me through the nursery window. When my Dad finally got to hold me he says that he put his hands around me under my armpits and that the baby powder container was bigger than I was! I wish we had pictures so l could see how small I was.

Here is a picture of me when I was about a year old or maybe a little older. If you look at my feet you will notice that my toes are turned dramatically in towards each other.

You might be wondering how that affected my walking. I am sure it wasn't good and led my parents to discover that something was wrong other than the fact that I kept falling. I know from my own experience with our kids that falling is pretty common when you are first learning to walk though. They had 3 other kids so they knew what to expect. 

Luckily, my Mom was a nurse & knew a variety of doctors who helped her and my Dad figure out what was wrong. I can only imagine how worried they were. As a Mom myself now whenever there is something out of the ordinary going on with my children I drop everything until it is corrected. My husband thinks I worry too much. I am sure other parents feel the same way.

My parents soon found out that my hip sockets had not formed at all by the time I was delivered by emergency c-section. (My placenta started to come out so, yes, it was a real emergency). Apparently, I've always been in a hurry! This rings especially true when it comes to me making progress on a goal. I continue to learn that what really shapes me are the steps I take and the people I meet on my way to my goal.

Let's get back to my hips. The doctors fitted me with special shoes and a foam diaper with leg braces attached to it. The shoes turned my toes out to the side which pushed my femurs (thighbones) in towards my body. At night I had to wear a different set of shoes. I recently found them. Here they are. Don't they look comfortable?

This forced my body to form the acetabulum or hip sockets around the ball at the top of my femur. I am so happy that the doctors figured out what to do, or I would not be able to walk today. Looking back on this I am very grateful my mom was a nurse & knew some doctors who could help.

Growing up I did a lot of ballet moves like pliés. The different foot positions kept my feet and hips aligned the way they should be. I'm not sure if my Mom knew that ballet would help but she took ballet as a young girl and an adult. Tumbling around was always my favorite activity. Doing front handsprings down the road was how I preferred to travel. I regret quitting gymnastics when I was 11. I decided that I did not want to compete which is ironic because that is what I love about CrossFit - that I can compete without being the center of attention.

I have worked very hard the last 10 years while weightlifting to keep my knees from caving in towards each other. This is a very weak and risky position to be in under load. When my coach tells me to push my knees out it has a whole different meaning to me. I don't want to get hurt or compromise on my form. I remember times when doing a deadlift that my knees started to cave in during the lift. To me that is a sign that I am lifting more than my body and muscles are ready for. I immediately stop and call it a day or lower the weight significantly. Then I refocus on accessory work and building my muscles back up slowly so that doesn't happen. 

It is not about being better or stronger than someone else. It is about being stronger than I was last week and being able to show up to lift next week and the week after that because I finally found what I love. I will do everything I can to keep doing what I love. How about you? What do you love so much that you couldn't imagine your life without it? Comment below. I'd love to hear from you.


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