At the end of the weekend I was feeling completely crushed - both emotionally and physically. I spent about 8 hours at our gym. One of our original members, Marcelo, suddenly passed away in December at the age of 38. Marcelo always had the biggest smile on his face and would do anything to help you. We did a memorial workout (WOD) in his honor to show our love and respect and also to fundraise for the family he left behind. It was one he did often to test himself. Seeing over 120 people whose lives he touched and his wife, Fernanda, do the WOD was incredible. The outpouring of love and respect beyond belief.
Needless to say it was a very emotional day. I lost my brother, Steve, just over a year ago and never really grieved the loss. Losing Marcelo so suddenly and at such a young age really brought all my emotions to the surface and made me think about everything that is going on with me. I have cried a lot since December and especially this past weekend. It truly is important to let your emotions come out and to just let go and FEEL. This week I was brought to tears once again in my car as I pulled up to the gym. The bay door was open and the owners had painted the word SMILE on the wall to honor Marcelo and his beautiful heart and spirit. I lost it and realized just how much one person can touch the lives of those around them. The CrossFit community really is amazing!
By Sunday night after 8 hours my body was feeling it. My lower back was so tight and sore, my head had been hurting for 3 days, and I was left to pull myself together. This is rare for me because I usually feel pretty good. However, I guess my body had gotten to the point where it couldn't take anymore and was screaming for help. I know myself well enough to listen and take care of myself.
I don't know if you have ever had a day like that. It was both sad and happy and draining all at the same time and left me questioning my purpose and life in general. As I wondered what to do next I crawled into bed with an oversized ice pack for my lower back, slapped on a maximum strength CBD patch and thought about my plan for the next morning and day.
I decided that I needed to rest and wouldn't work out while also getting a suggestion from the voice inside my head that some hot yoga might be in order. I decided to check in with myself when I got up and see if yoga felt right. I checked the schedule and was grateful there weren't any super early classes and I could sleep an extra hour which I so badly needed. Even in pain my eyes closed in gratitude for my amazing place on this Earth and my family.
When I woke up my instincts told me that yoga would feel good. I had the urge to move and just check in to see what came up. I laid down my yoga mat and towel, surrendered into Child's Pose and set my intention. When we are instructed to do that in class I listen to whatever comes to mind first and I don't second guess it. As I listened quietly my mind quickly said to me, "LET GO." "Ok", I thought - "I can do that". No reason to try to be Gumby today.
As we were finishing the class and laying in corpse pose (I found that ironic) I felt calm and energized at the same time. I was proud of myself. I did it! I listened to my body. My back pain was gone, my headache had mercifully stopped pounding and I let my thoughts pour in. This is what I heard. Listen closely because it may be something you need to hear as well.
1. of the stress, 2. of the worry, 3. of your excuses, 4. of the need to please, 5. of chasing perfection, 6. of comparing yourself to others, 7. of the self-doubt.
Just LET GO, surrender, everything is as it should be, you are on the right path. SMILE and let that sink in. You got this! Thank you, Marcelo! I miss you.